Dress your penis right

Dress left, right, up or down to suit your personality and brain hemisphere but dress down to experience ultimate Joxer comfort.

Dress your penis right i.e. not right as in right but as in left, right or center!

Dress your penis right - left, right or centreAs can be seen in the image above men wear their penises whichever way feels most comfortable for them. Which way do you dress your penis correctly – should it be left, right, straight up towards your navel or down. Maybe the way these guys dress have something to do with their position in the rowboat . . . how else would they know who is supposed to be the “stroke”, who the “middle crew”, who the “bowman” and who (most probably the guy second from the left) is the “coxswain” (excuse ALL the puns please)?

The way you dress your penis is a personal matter. I, however, believe it needs to be down . . . straight down!? The way nature intended!

This whole thing of forcing your penis in either direction is a result of modern underwear. I wonder what the origin or even rationale is of this socially “acceptable”, highly uncomfortable and restrictive peace of attire that forced us poor guys to “dress” your penis in one direction or another for decades . . . if not millenniums? Now most of us sit with penises that, when erect, point everywhere except in the direction it is supposed to point.

Dressing left and dressing right are terms that most men, at least those who wear suits, know. It’s a term used by tailors when fitting suit pants. To “dress left” means that one keeps one’s penis shifted in the general direction of the left trouser leg. Likewise for the right.

Where should Mr Limpy then be positioned?

According to medical researchers, most men should dress left. This is basic biology; the left testicle is lower than the right. It was made to swing to the left. Swinging right is uncomfortable. Perhaps this is why right dressers are often in bad moods?

On penis position and personality!

In an interesting (albeit tongue in the cheek I presume) article by Stephen Metcalfe he ascribes personality traits to guys who dress either left or right (you can read this rather entertaining article on his Blog – The Desperate Men):

I feel that left dressers are open-minded.

I feel that those whose appendages sway right are often – pardon the pun – rigid and dogmatic.

I feel that left dressers are compassionate. I feel right dressers are penurious.

I feel left dressers care about other people. I feel right dressers care mostly about themselves and others exactly like them.  

I feel that left dressers are reasonable. They are in touch with their feelings.   I feel right dressers are entrenched and declamatory. They yell a lot. Even when the elected president of the United States, who undoubtedly dresses left, is giving a state of the union address, they yell. This is possibly because those who dress right have a tendency to inadvertently sit on their packages. Because men think with their d***ks, this turns off their brains.

He goes on to say that right dressers are anxious, fearful and pessimistic about their penises whereas left dressers are creative with it.

Dress left or right to manipulate your brain hemisphere dominance

Rob Terrel, on his Blog – Dress Left for Success, jokes with the impact on your brain hemisphere dominance, i.e. being creative or analytical, whether you dress left or right.

“Recently I made a startling discovery, the impact of which will be felt the world over. The way in which you “dress” – – as in, to “dress left” – – can have an impact on your brain.

. . . Personally, I’ve never really tried either, as from my youth I’ve always kept my penis straight in the middle, taped up against my navel, in the manner of all men in my family for generations.

And guess what — the brain and the penis are connected by nerves! Several of them! And it stands to reason that if you “dress left” one morning, then that day you will experience a burst in creativity. My hypothesis is that placing one’s penis in the left pant leg works to activate the left hemisphere of the brain, and thus the areas of the brain that stimulate creativity! And if you “dress right,” you will likewise experience a surge in your logical and analytical thinking.”

He got this the wrong side around unfortunately (intentionally I think) but it is a very entertaining read and shows the ridiculousness of the debate really!

What has all this talk about penis position have to do with Joxer underwear?

As mentioned above I believe your penis should be preserved in the way nature intended – hanging straight down and this is where Joxers come in! It gives you the space to accommodate your penis in this way while keeping it secure, free and snug! Joxers allows you dress your penis right, as in correct!

Let’s face it! A bit of gravity never did anybody any harm and the Joxer design ensures that your penis is allowed to be in its natural state and size . . . not all scrunched-up like when wearing “normal” (and tight) underwear, which not only interferes with your anatomy, but also with the physiology of sperm production (but more on this in this Post: Sperm Production 101).

What is interesting is that some of the Joxer test subjects mentioned that their penises gain up to 2 cm in length during the day!? This would most probably not result in a permanent increase in length but who knows what gravity can eventually accomplish (not that length is all that important but what the hell . . . it does tend to impress and draw attention)?

Gone should be the days of “dressing left or right” which might lead to erections pointing in either direction! It is time to dress your penis correctly

If I can put this case to rest . . . Stephen Metcalfe concluded his article with these wise words:

George Bush, who is a right dresser once said – or maybe it was Will Farrell, who dresses left, pretending to be George Bush who said it – or wait, no, maybe it was Justice Antonin Scalia – but whoever said it, it still holds true –

 ‘…about four- five ‘underd years ago when God booted Adam and Eve out of The Garden of Eden for adulterary, an ol’ boy could dress any which-a-way direction he pleased, cause, a’ course, as everybody knows, Jesus wore robes…’

 Yes.

 Jesus, who I think we all can agree was a pretty cool cat with his head on straight, wore robes.

Presumably with nothing underneathRight at last!

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